Not All Military Spouses Have Kids — And That’s Okay
The quiet challenges of being child-free in a kid-filled military world.
When people find out I’m a military spouse, there are usually two immediate follow-up questions:
“What branch?”
“How many kids do you have?”
Cue the record scratch.
We don’t have kids. We’re not planning to have kids. We do have two cats, though — and let’s be honest, they’ve got more personality than most toddlers I know (except my nephew of course).
But in military spouse culture? That can make you feel a little like the odd one out.
1. So many events are centered around kids.
From family readiness group (FRG) activities to deployment support events to holiday parties — everything seems to come with a bounce house and a craft table. And don’t get me wrong — I love a good cookie-decorating station — but sometimes I feel like the "extras" in the room. Like I accidentally wandered into the wrong club meeting.
It’s not that I don’t like kids. It’s that I’d love to see more space for connection and community that isn’t based on parenting.
2. People often assume you have more “free time.”
This one’s tricky. There’s this unspoken assumption that if you don’t have kids, you’re somehow less busy, less stressed, or have more capacity to take on responsibilities — like volunteering, hosting, or picking up the slack during deployment.
Spoiler alert: being child-free doesn’t mean I’m just lounging around in a bubble bath all day (though that sounds amazing, tbh). I still have a career. A household to run. A partner who’s constantly in and out. Oh, and cats that act like furry little divas.
3. It can feel extra isolating during deployments or long trainings.
When your spouse is away and you don’t have kids at home, the silence can hit hard.
There’s no soccer practice to carpool to, no bedtime routine to maintain. Just long evenings, empty dinner tables, and the occasional cat wrestling match. It’s a different kind of loneliness — one that’s harder to explain.
You can love your quiet life and still feel the weight of it sometimes.
4. You might not feel “seen” in the military spouse space.
A lot of military spouse resources are centered around parenting — and understandably so. But if you’re child-free, you might find yourself tuning out, backing away, or questioning if this community was ever meant for you.
I wish more people realized that spouses without kids still need support too. We still manage homes, survive deployments, hold down careers, and go through all the same stress — minus the minivans.
5. You’re allowed to be proud of your life — even if it doesn’t follow the “standard issue” script.
Whether you’re child-free by choice, by circumstance, or just figuring it out as you go — your life is just as meaningful, valuable, and valid as anyone else's in this community.
You don’t need diapers in your Amazon cart to prove your resilience.
You don’t need a car seat to belong in this world.
You don’t need a reason to justify your joy, your freedom, your grief, or your silence.
You’re building a life that works for you, and that’s something to be proud of — not explained away or minimized.
Hubby and I enjoying a Thanksgiving meal out at a high end restaurant, kid free, during our time in Fort Worth.
Final Thoughts…
If you've ever felt invisible at a military event, skipped over in conversation, or unsure where you fit in as a child-free spouse — you’re not alone. I'm right there with you, probably holding a cup of coffee and silently wondering if I’m the only one who didn’t bring a stroller.
This blog is for you. For the ones building a different kind of life — one full of fur, freedom, flexibility, and yes, feelings.
So whether you’re chasing toddlers or chasing quiet mornings with your cats, there’s room for you here. Always.
