What I Wish I Knew as a National Guard Spouse
Because no one hands you a manual — and if they did, it’d probably be missing a few pages anyway.
When I first became a National Guard spouse, I thought I had it mostly figured out. My partner wasn’t Active Duty, so I assumed life would stay pretty normal. You know — the “one weekend a month, two weeks a year” thing they advertise?
Spoiler alert: not even close.
Here’s what I wish someone had told me before I was knee-deep in drill weekends, unexpected orders, and trying to explain Tricare to a civilian dentist:
1. "Part-time" is a myth.
The biggest misconception? That National Guard life is somehow less intense. It’s not. It’s just differently intense.
Even if your spouse is technically “part-time,” you’ll still deal with:
Long training periods
Federal deployments
State missions and call-ups (hello, wildfire season or civil unrest)
Full-time orders that pop up with very little notice
And if your partner is full-time Guard, like mine? It’s basically Active Duty — just without the built-in base community.
2. You probably won’t live near a base — and that can be isolating.
Guard soldiers often live and serve in their home states, far away from major military installations. That means:
No on-post housing or base privileges
Fewer chances to meet other military families
A weird sense of being “in the military” but not fully part of it
I wish I had known that finding your people takes more intentional effort — and that it's totally okay to feel in-between.
3. Tricare is... complicated. Just accept it now.
Before becoming a Guard spouse, I had no idea there were different kinds of Tricare. And surprise! Tricare Reserve Select (TRS) is not the same as what Active Duty families use (usually Tricare Prime).
With TRS:
You have to enroll (it’s not automatic)
You pay a monthly premium (yes, even though your spouse wears the uniform)
Not all doctors or pharmacies know what it is (prepare for blank stares)
I wish someone had told me that managing healthcare would feel like a second job at times.
4. Deployments still happen — and they’re just as hard.
Yes, Guard soldiers get deployed. And no, it doesn’t make it easier just because you might be living near family or not moving every few years.
You still go through:
The ramp-up stress
The emotional goodbyes
The quiet nights, solo responsibilities, and deployment countdown
The difference? You might not have a support group around you who gets it.
The morning Caleb left for deployment, I came home (already a sobbing, snotty mess) to find Ron curled up on the extra uniforms Caleb didn’t need to take. Needless to say, I fucking SOBBED.
5. You’ll get really good at explaining your life.
To coworkers. To family. To your barista, probably.
“Wait, so he’s in the military, but you don’t live on base?”
“The National Guard — is that like, the Reserves?”
“Oh, so he just does weekends?”
“That must be easier, right?”
You’ll find yourself on repeat a lot—clarifying what the Guard is, what it isn’t, and why your life looks so different from what people expect when they hear “military spouse.”
Even some folks in the military don’t always get it.
I wish I had known that part of being a Guard spouse is constantly educating others. It’s not a bad thing—but it can feel exhausting sometimes. So if you’ve ever wanted to carry around flashcards or a QR code that explains it all, same.
6. It’s okay to feel out of place — and it’s okay to own your place.
There were so many moments early on where I felt like I didn’t fully belong anywhere. I wasn’t part of the Active Duty spouse groups on base, and I wasn’t quite like my civilian friends either. It felt like I was living in a weird in-between zone — not fully military, not fully civilian.
But here’s what I’ve come to learn:
This in-between life is real, valid, and worthy of community.
You don’t need orders every two years or a house on post to be a military spouse. You don’t need to justify your experience or explain why the Guard life hits differently. Whether you’re navigating solo drill weekends, unexpected orders, or just trying to make sense of Tricare (again), you’re doing it. You're living it.
You get to own this experience — and that includes claiming space in the military spouse world, even if you had to carve that space out yourself.
7. You’re not alone.
It might feel like you’re the only one navigating this strange military-but-not-really world… but you’re not. I promise.
There’s a quiet strength in the Guard spouse community. We’re scrappy. We adapt. We make it work without all the bells, whistles, and free base gyms. And while we might not have a welcome committee handing us a binder, we’ve got something just as good:
Each other.
Final Thoughts
If you’re new to this world — welcome. If you’ve been here a while and just need a little reminder that it’s okay to feel unseen sometimes — I see you. This blog exists because we deserve a seat at the table, even if we have to bring our own chair (and maybe a lint roller).
Here’s to the messy, misunderstood, and meaningful life of a National Guard spouse. 💛
